My brains are going to explode. Do you ever get like this? Just an overload of random thoughts and to-do lists running all at the same time. I need more TV in my life.

I was following close behind a car on my way to the college today. They threw out alot of trash and made me sad.

What if everything they ever learned about the human brain is wrong?

I don’t like the sun going down so quickly in the day. It makes me feel late for everything. 

How come some people get their way payed for and then complain about what they have?

There’s a girl I know that quit her job because she was getting a rash.

I get sad when I’m sick because it makes me think of when I had a mom.

I took my dads money last night and I don’t feel guilty because he’s horrible at being a dad.

I miss people. Then I see them. You’d think I stop missing them, but I don’t.

I wish I could eat all the sweets I want without worrying about getting fat.

A sheep’s brain has the consistancy of tuna fish.

I’m disappointed that I haven’t learned any significant facts about the corpus collosum.

I have to quit thinking to much into things because I keep hurting my own feelings by doing so.

I wish my laptop backlight was magically fixed so that I could sit on my couch with my computer instead of the floor.

I’m finding comfort in being broke all the time because I don’t feel bad for having more money than others.

I’m starting to feel sorry for him for leaving me instead of hating him.

It’s easier to make a change yourself than to let things change and have to deal with the aftermath.

I watched “Waiting” for the first time last night and laughed my ass off.

I met the man of my dreams after I was already married.

I don’t see why a person couldn’t just live with a head like on Futurama.

I don’t see how people that know how the body functions, especially the nervous system, don’t know there’s a higher power.

I listened to a Beatle’s song today that I actually liked.

I spend alot of time in REM sleep because I remember my dreams, but that’s why I feel tired alot. My sister is the exact opposite because she pees the bed….still. That’s Non-REM sleep Stage 4.

I like watching movies with subtitles in theaters because no one talks.

I wish I could sign language.

I feel like a dink at school today because I look like I just rolled out of bed…which I did.

I only have to make a 70% on my final exam in A&P to keep my A.

I think the reason I have such a disfunctional family is to relate to everyone in some way. And here’s how:Diabetes, stroke, heart attack, nerve damage, schizophrenia, bipolar, manic depression, panic attacks, drug abuse, sexual and verbal abuse, inbreading, dcfs, compulsive lieing, blindness, endstage renal failure, hearing aids, obesity, abandonment, affairs, stealing, and stupidity. I think that just about covers anything someone else has got.

There. I think my mind is blank now. Thanks for visiting.

Hearts,

Jay

It’s weird how you can get on these computers at school and do pretty much whatever. Cool, but weird. If I were an institution as nazzi as this one I wouldn’t allow anything cool for students to be able to waste their time doing. This my first day back to school. Good and bad in ways. Good: I’m only here two days a weel. Bad: I’m here the whole day on those two days. So I predict alot of free time, at least at the beggining. When things pick up I’ll be able to use this time for homework.

I thought about taking a nap on one of the benches. But my mind wouldn’t stop long enough to wind down for that. This two week summer break wasn’t long enough. I can’t wait for winter break. Seriously. I can’t wait for snow and holiday season agian. This year will be so completely strange and different. Something to get used to for sure. Even though, the last couple years haven’t seemed the way it should’ve been anyways. I was pretty alone for most the holiday decorating and baking, and when I think about it. Most of the fondest memories had nothing to do with my husband. So him not being around will fall into the same pattern.

I haven’t had this much free time in weeks. This whole day off with no obligations (well one small one, but it’ll only take a few minutes). I’ve lied to my family, faking a sickness leaving me bed ridden, and haven’t had a better day. I feel bad. But not enough to make a difference. I have two weeks off from school and I’ve decided to become a hermit. I’m gonna fake this illness stuff as long as I possibly can.

This night falls into the last, and the last one feels like it was a million years ago. My days are running together. I don’t know why. It seems like I shouldn’t feel so busy not having a full time job any more. And there’s one less person living with me to take up time/space. Yesterday would have been 3 years and he’s been gone for almost 3 months.

It’s almost relieving (yet utterly surprising) that I’ve gotten over it so quickly. I thought I would be completely lost forever. I’ve found more of myself in the last 3 months than I ever knew when I was married. I let myself become a statistic. I let myself fall into a category to try to be happy. The “all American dream”? I hardly think so. And if it is…..cash me out. 

I think it’d be nice to get away. I think about going abroad. But I can’t fathom it. I can’t hardly even comprehend moving out of this forsaken town. I can’t imagine being able to get a job that you might actually enjoy. All Mt. Vernon is made of is food service, Dr. offices, and gas stations. And there’s too many people living here for even those jobs to even out.

I applied at Dairy Queen…. Cake decorator. I think that’d be BA. I can put on a smile for however short their shifts are and decorate some icecream! WHA! Sounds more like a hobby than a job. Never woulda thought back when I had been in the health field for 8 years, that I’d take minimum wage service industry over health care. I’m just about done with blood and guts (until they’re dead) and 12 hour shifts. I’ll get enough “health field” when I’m a mortician. If that day ever comes. I’ve been thinking about taking some art classes before I transfer… maybe to take the edge off, or to raise my GPA, or to stall so I can find my brains after this go around….?

Am I going to Hell because I find this funny?

I wanna do an underwater photoshoot…. SO bad!